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24 October 2008 @ 09:31 pm
Despite her denial, Kratos could tell by that voice post that Jacky was definitely not sober. And he imagined that wasn't the first time it had happened either. What if that happened every time she went to a party? She hadn't been using an online journal before so he had no idea what went on there. And by the time she got back, Kratos was already asleep. Perhaps not sleeping well but... even he had his limits. It was true he had already witnessed Jacky with a hangover before... or at least he had suspected as much even if she hadn't openly admitted it. Perhaps not all that often, but that didn't mean she didn't endanger herself in other ways. Really, Kratos had no way of knowing what happened outside his apartment. And he could do nothing to stop her from going either.

Talking to her like that... at least over the internet... it made him realise just how much damage she really was doing to herself. It was one thing to have a social life but quite another to destroy herself in that way. He became anxious of her health and her wellbeing. What must be going through her head to make her so self-destructive? That wasn't having a good time, that was just making oneself numb and oblivious to both their own self and everything that was happening around them. Things could get far more dangerous from here if Jacky continued this way.

What had really scared him though was her sudden loss of contact with him. He hoped he hadn't hurt her too much but it was true what he had said. She was destroying herself. And perhaps she had realised that but... either way she had severed contact with him and there was no telling what she was doing out there now. He wanted to go and find her but really... all he could do was sit and wait until she returned.

He just hoped that she would return. And soon.
 
 
22 October 2008 @ 03:29 pm
It didn't take long for Jacky to realize why she didn't attend school so much. Being with Kratos, though, he normally made her go to her classes and do her homework. She actually had grades higher than F's now. But school was so much work. And stressful. Not to mention she balanced a part-time job on top of that and still kept and active social life. One that Kratos clearly disapproved of.

It was clear to Jacky that Kratos disapproved of many factors in her life. Not that she blamed him. Years ago... when she was happy and had a life... she would have disapproved to. But it was the way her life went and she had become accustomed to it. Still, Kratos seemed to have a tougher time of adjusting to this realization than she was. But he still rarely spoke out against it, though she could clearly tell how much he wanted to. Maybe that was why she still continued to do it... maybe she was just trying to get him to admit to feelings he kept locked away.

Not that she was very successful.

All of this combined together was what led Jacky to be stressed today as she worked on some necessary math homework. She remembered how much she loathed math as she stared at the paper full of numbers and equations, waiting for her to solve them. If Kratos didn't make her do her work she would have trashed the paper long ago. As it was, she had spent the past hour on it and hadn't gotten far. She was tired, stressed, and aggravated.

Setting her pencil down and shoving the paper to the side Jacky called to Kratos. "Can we please get out of this apartment for five minutes?!" She asked him.
 
 
29 September 2008 @ 10:26 am
Things weren't so bad. Not as bad as Kratos expected anyway. Although he was still adamant not to get too close too quickly, Kratos had grown much more comfortable around Jacky now, at least in the privacy of his own home. Although he managed to maintain his usual air of indifference at the school, inside he still found it difficult to control his feelings sometimes. But he was a master of restraint, and he wouldn't reveal their secret relationship so easily. For now at least, the students and the staff suspected nothing. They may have seen them talk, but as far as they were concerned, that was all it was. And it wasn't as if they were going to bother to ask about it.

Jacky still chose to go out with her friends from time to time and Kratos had no problem with that. He wanted her to be as normal as possible, and that included going to parties, to the movies or out to eat. Even just hanging out; whatever they wanted to do. Just as long as Kratos didn't have anything to do with it. He may have grown close to Jacky, but that didn't mean he wanted to meet other people. And besides it wasn't as if they could go out socially anyway... He couldn't imagine them going out to dinner somewhere. A teacher and student at a restaurant... at a party... anything really. It was unheard of, and Kratos knew that he would feel out of place even if Jacky did drag him out somewhere. Then there was always the risk of someone seeing them, growing suspicious. Kratos may have authority in the classroom, but he couldn't prevent people from doing what they wanted out in the town.

No, for now he went out when he needed to, perhaps to get some fresh air every once in a while too, but that was about it. And he didn't intend to change that. He had lived alone for years now and he had grown used to it. Shut up here in his own space, with only his thoughts for company (which rarely made good company themselves), Kratos was in his comfort zone here. He had everything he needed to live.

Or at least to exist.
 
 
25 September 2008 @ 05:26 am
Ever since her admittance of her feelings and Kratos trying to push her away, Jacky hadn't felt like being in the same room with him more than she had to.  She didn't attend classes anymore, choosing to avoid him at school. And if she was ever home it was only for a few moments before she left or the few hours she had when she came home in the middle of the night for sleep. Other than that, it was almost like she wasn't there anymore. She might as well not be, she preferred it that way now.

Soon, she hoped she woukdn't be here. Her seventeenth birthday was in a few days, and she was going to go through with her plan for independence. She told Kratos she would move out when she was seventeen. She had debated it before, seeing how well she got on with Kratos. But ever since that night... it was best she get as far away as she could as quickly as she could.

She had been searching for apartments, and thought she had found one. It was a cheap one, but it was in her price range. She would just drop out of school and work full time. It was better than living with someone who didn't want her around anymore, that was true. She couldn't stand being around him anymore, either. After that night... she couldn't put the kiss out of her head no matter how hard she tried to. It was always in her mind, and she realized how badly she wished she could really be with Kratos.

But she was just some teenager to him. And soon, there would be no teenager left for him to worry about.

Tonight, Jacky was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels. She put more focus on the television than was ever needed. She just needed a distraction. She was dressed to go out. Torn jeans, tight shirt, jewelry hanging from wherever she could get it, hair curled and mussed. She was waiting for one of the brothers to come pick her up for a party. She flipped through the channels quickly. She hoped he got here soon.
 
 
22 September 2008 @ 10:53 pm
Jacky had been living with Kratos for quite some time now and things were becoming a lot easier between them. And Jacky was making life easier to be honest. Kratos was making more of an effort now that he had some kind of purpose in life again. To look after Jacky, even if she didn't really need it. And somehow... Jacky had persuaded him to go on a date. He hadn't been on a date since... meeting her. And even now it felt wrong. To say that he was reluctant was something of an understatement. She would never leave his mind or his heart and to even attempt to form another relationship with anyone seemed unfaithful to him. Especially after what he did to her...

Yet, even more strangely, Kratos found that he wasn't really thinking of her at all during the date. He was thinking of someone else, and this confused him. He shouldn't be interested in anyone... he knew who he loved and nobody else should interfere with that. But it was still happening and he couldn't deny it. Embarrassed to even be thinking such a thing, despite the fact he knew the woman he was supposed to be interested in right now couldn't read his mind, Kratos had had to excuse himself early. He couldn't carry on like this, it was unfair for the both of them. And really, he didn't even want to be here in the first place. The date really hadn't gone well at all, but Kratos found himself worrying less about that and more about what he was thinking of at this moment.

Of course Jacky would ask him how it went. How exactly should he explain this? He couldn't tell her anything. It was stupid and likely fleeting. She didn't have to know and what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

Once he returned to his apartment he entered and closed the door and acted as if nothing had happened. The usual stoic expression was planted on his face, neither indicating that things went well or terribly bad. And just to make the point that nothing had happened worth mentioning, he promptly headed to the kitchen to grab himself a drink.
 
 
 
22 September 2008 @ 05:52 am
The dreams after moving to the living room hadn't gotten much better, but at least they weren't as bad as before. Kratos' proximity had done its job well for her. She didn't scream anymore for the rest of the night. But her sleep wasn't exactly deep or restful either. It was the best she could hope for, though, and she was grateful for it. She was even more grateful that she didn't have to listen to someone screaming at her about her dreams for once either.

Slowly waking from the light nightmares, ones clouded with visions of every time she had been abused, Jacky remembered the events of the night previous. The abuse, Kratos, admittance, and the move to the floor next to him. As she sat up in her makeshift bed she could see him sleeping on the couch. He was so close to her now without even realizing it, asleep at this point. She took a moment to watch him. He was beautiful, really. Jacky wished he was her age...

Regaining herself and her sense of independence, Jacky got up and went to Kratos' bedroom to gather her things. She paused to look at the pictures of Kratos and the woman again. He looked... happy. A side of him Jacky had never seen before. It made her wish she could see him like that. Then she remembered she had no right. He was the teacher and she was just some student of his. Why did she care so much about him?

She shoved her things back into the bag and hesitated as she grabbed the gun. She cocked it and emptied the chamber of any bullets. She took out the extra bullets as well and shoved them in her bag. No need to keep a loaded gun anymore. She didn't want a loaded gun. She shuddered at the idea of what she could do with a loaded gun.

There was no goodbye to Kratos, no more thanks. She just had to leave before he woke up and concerned himself with her again. Now that her night of  weakness was over she felt it was time to go move in with one of the brothers. And get more tylenol. She winced at the pain. She set her bag down on the table for a moment and began to dig through Kratos' cabinets quietly. Maybe he had something she could take before she left...
 
 
12 September 2008 @ 10:54 am
It had been a few weeks since that day in the classroom when Jacky Faber had apologised to Kratos and voiced her concern for him. Since that day, the teacher had made a point to try to talk to her more often and build up some kind of trust. There were still a lot of things that both of them kept hidden from each other, they didn't trust each other enough for that, but things had become easier between them recently. Kratos may have even been willing to admit that they were gradually becoming something like friends, not just the strictly professional teacher-student relationship.

Right now, Kratos was at home. Alone as always but feeling somewhat better than he had been recently. The bad memories and nightmares had subsided for now. It helped that he didn't have the stress of Jacky's constant hurtful remarks to deal with, and even though she might not show it openly all the time, it did make him feel a little better to know that someone cared... He was beginning to see just how lonely he really was, but Kratos also knew he would never become a truly social person. A few close friends, even just one close friend, would be enough for him.

Yes, now Kratos was relaxed, not as tense as he had been when Jacky had visited previously. He was lounging on the sofa, taking a drink of soda, the same stuff that Jacky had stolen from him when she had so rudely invaded his apartment. But in a way... he was thankful that she had. Otherwise none of this would have happened and he may have been even worse off.

With a sigh of relief, Kratos rested there, thinking as he so often did. But this time he was thinking of Jacky.
 
 
11 September 2008 @ 03:01 pm
Rock and roll, baby
Don't you know that we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, honey (Hey!)
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey (Hey!)
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
Give me something to sing about

Jacky took her normal route to school, head phones in ear listening to Paramore. She loved music. Foundation of her life, really. She could play the drums and the guitar and she sang too. She was good at whatever musical instrument she wanted to be good at. She sometimes played with her brothers, forming a band of misfits who all had the same passions. For all their troubles and all their problems, Jacky loved the Brotherhood still.

Jacky wondered if Kratos would be there today or not. He had looked upset yesterday. Sounded upset. It wasn't just her, though, that had upset him. True she had played a big part, but something was wrong with him before she showed up. Her appearance had just made it worse. She still never found out what it was, but she got the hint to let it go. For then at least. Not now, but maybe later she would have to ask. After things had calmed down.

The old bruise on Jacky's arm had been fading, and as was expected Rob had to replace it. Again Jacky took a handful of pills and downed them to deal with the pain. Why did everything have to be so hard sometimes? Last night Rob's anger had been completely at her and her late nights. Jacky had stayed out with the Brotherhood and apparently disturbed Rob on her way back into the house. One of these days he was going to get his, and Jacky would only be too happy to be there and see it for herself.

The school was the same as it always was. Empty save for the few teachers. And maybe Kratos. Hopefully Kratos. Why hopefully? Who knew, who cared. She just hoped he was there. She would find out in a moment at least. She went to enter his classroom, hoping she hadn't scared him off.
 
 
10 September 2008 @ 10:12 pm
Today, Kratos was at home. It wasn't his day off. He wasn't sick. Not really anyway, although he may have used it as an excuse to stay away from the school today... No, there was something else bothering him. More than that... it was hurting him and he couldn't face the classroom today.

Kratos taught his students ethics and he had always dreaded the day when the topic would turn to euthanasia. It was inevitable really, being highly controversial and talked about avidly throughout the whole world, but still he couldn't prepare himself for the eventuality that he would have to teach it to his students. To stand there and talk to them about it and listen to their own opinions. To hand assigments out and have to read them all later and mark them... And if she bothered to show up this time, there was always the possibility that Jacky would be there too, churning out the usual personal remarks and misbehaving as was expected of her.

He just couldn't face that today.

So instead, Kratos remained at home, left to his thoughts. Thinking on this had brought back bad memories and this time he was finding it difficult to keep them back. Right now he was curled up on his bed, fighting them back. He hadn't slept much at all last night, as was usually the case, but it had been worse this time. The fresh thoughts of what he was expected to do the next day had triggered nightmares which seemed to be haunting him even now. Perhaps calling in sick wasn't as much of a lie as he first thought...

Although he was glad nobody was around to see this, he wouldn't have minded some company then... but being the social outcast he was he had no friends who would visit him. And even if anyone did come, he knew that his protective nature would likely cause him to lash out at them and send them away again.

He could never get close to anyone again.
 
 
09 September 2008 @ 06:02 pm
Yesterday had ended on an odd note for Jacky, and no doubt for Aurion too. She hadn't expected herself to do that... to kiss him like that. He was her teacher, and even she had to have restrictions somewhere. But something about it felt just... right almost? It was strange. Sure Jacky had kissed boys before, it wasn't a new experience to her. But there was something about Aurion. Something different, not just from the boys she met (that was expected) but from other people in general. Something she liked, but would never say out loud.

Jacky had skipped her first class of the day, Aurion's class, that morning. She thought it might be better not to be stuck in the room with him in the morning after what she had done. No doubt he would be upset with her and she was not in the mood to deal with him that morning. A fresh bruise had formed on her upper arm. She didn't bother to cover it, most people blamed it on her gang. But she knew where it really came from, and it left her in a foul mood for most of the day.

Still, she had agreed to meet her brothers at school for lunch and then they would all take off for mayhem of some sort. She had spent the whole day in school yesterday, and time afterwards. She wasn't attending any classes today. She had to keep a nice balance. And a work day followed by another work day was not her idea of a balance. It was just... boring.

She arrived at the school in an old beat-up jeep she had obtained from the other members of the Brotherhood. They all sort of shared the vehicle and none of them asked where it came from. She pulled up to the school and laughed with her brothers as she passed out the lunches she had brought them.

It was at that moment she decided she was tired of avoiding Aurion for the day. She wanted another talk. Whether she paid attention or not was a whole other question. She waved her brothers off and told them she'd be back later. She didn't bother with an excuse today. She grabbed her McDonalds bag and went off to search the school for Aurion.